Broken Thoughts
by Alastor-Creation
Summary: Does a man's thoughts ever truly remain his own? should they in the first place? It is said that those who keep everything inside will someday explode and harm those around them. You decide if this is true or not. AN M for later chapters, I have some very graphic thoughts sometimes. no sex or anything but well you know what I'll mean if you read on...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Okay so note that this has absolutely nothing to do with just about anything, other than me. I just need to write and I figured I'd post it here. I mean none of the people who read this know who I am so it doesn't matter what I write right? I'll use characters from PJO but they'll be in one shot form for whenever I feel down or something. Just as a way out of sadness or whatever the fuck I'm feeling...**

He heard it so many times.

Three simple words.

_**I love you.**_

Those three simple words that brought so much good feeling to his heart.

Or at least it used to.

Now it brings a bitter taste to his mouth and agonizing thoughts of when he has the unfortunate pleasure of hearing it.

_**He hated hearing those words. **_

He'd do anything to just erase them from existence.

But the gods were cruel.

They make him suffer with fake compassion, coming from those he had given his life for.

_**Now he loves no one.** _

He is alone and unwanted.

He is no longer effected by the misery that surrounds him.

Those around him will never know of the thoughts that swim around his mind, like sharks, attacking all hope that may surface from the depths of his sub conscious.

_**Death is his worst enemy yet his best friend.**_

Always out of reach but always right there.

So easily attainable yet so hard to grasp.

As was said before, the gods are cruel.

They let those around them suffer in the pain of fake love and happiness.

_**However, there are the ones who see how the world really is, but they do nothing to aid the ignorant in their struggle to understand. **_

They do nothing but watch as they ones that love them turn from strong loving beings, to frail tormented souls of the men and women they once were.

All because they saw the world for as she is.

The gods are crude.

The world is cruel.

The ones who see this... suffer for eternity till deaths fair hand takes them away from their torment to a land beyond pain.

To their Elysium.

_**When shall I attain this pleasure and be set free?**_

Will it ever happen?

Or is it yet another fairytale made by those who enjoy the pain all around them

_**Only time shall tell.**_


	2. Chapter 2

He sat alone in his cabin while all the others slept peacefully in their beds.

His heart heavy with an unknown desire.

He loathed them.

So carefree and happy while he sat here miserable with no escape.

His father had long since retreated into the seas where he could not be bothered by his fellow gods and his son.

His mother would never understand.

All the ones that knew he was in pain continued to try to help him.

But nothing seemed to work.

Maybe it was just him.

Maybe after all this time of running from his problems.

They had finally caught up with him.

He loved his friends.

Some more than others.

But maybe he just wasn't meant to be with anyone.

Who would want him?

Who would love someone who fakes his entire emotional response to everything around him?

Who would want a broken man who doesn't want to be fixed?

That can't be fixed.

So here he sits yet again, all alone in his cabin, holding the blade he loves so dearly.

"**Just once**."

he says to none but himself.

"**Just this once and I'll _never_ do it again**."

He lifted the blade and put it across his wrist.

"_Wait_." he thought.

_"Not where people can see it."_

So he lifted it to his bare chest and pressed that beautiful sharpened blade into his tanned skin.

He jerked the blade to his right.

Slicing the skin with deadly ease.

He winced only slightly as the blood trickled from the small cut on his chest.

The pain only lasted a second before being replaced by a magnificent feeling of relief.

All the pain was **gone.**

He felt as if everything in the world was gone except for the soothing feeling emanating from his chest.

But just as fast it came, it left the young demigod.

The pain came back tenfold as he gripped his chest and grabbed some water to heal the wound.

"_I need to do that again._"

he concluded once the water was finished repairing his skin.

"_I need that feeling back, I need it_."

All thoughts of self-preservation was gone from his mind as he grabbed the blade once more before yet again cutting his chest.

_**He loved it.**_

The pain was gone replaced by a harmonic feeling.

The young man was now stuck.

He loved it too much to stop.

And soon it would be too late.


	3. Chapter 3

He looked around him at all the smiling faces.

Happiness all around him.

Kids talked, enjoyed themselves, played games, pranked each other, and annoyed anyone they possibly could.

He tried to go along with it while trying to draw as little attention to himself as possible.

He didn't want anyone to see what was happening to him.

That he was dying on the inside.

That his heart felt like it was being sliced in half slowly and painfully with a dull and rusted knife.

Every time the blade sliced in deeper it felt as if his body was being snapped and broken into tiny little pieces.

_He wanted help._

**He needed help.**

But none ever came.

None came to mend his torn, little heart.

To put the pieces back together and take the shattered pieces and bring them back together once more.

So he went on as if nothing was happening.

Played the part of a happy carefree man with nothing bringing him down.

Knowing that someday soon, _someday very soon, _he would no longer have to pretend.

He would finally be rid of the pain and misery.

Knowing that all the agony and hardships would no longer burden him as he lay 6 feet under the earth.

Peacefully dead for the rest of eternity.


	4. Chapter 4

_Why me?_

Was the thought going through the young man's mind as he lay in his bed, tears streaming down his face.

_Why can't I have a happy ending?_

He had tried so hard.

Given up so much.

He had lost countless hours of sleep.

Had wasted blood sweat and tears.

_**All for what?**_

A broken heart.

A scared body.

A wounded soul.

He was a shell of his former self.

The once happy and energetic boy who smiled so much.

That was never brought down by anything people said.

That would go out of his way to put a smile on a complete strangers face.

**He was gone.**

All that was left was a man who cried non-existent tears as he tried to sleep.

A man who was always in pain.

A man who always had a smile on his face that never reached his eyes.

A man who had might as well be a corpse.

That's all that was left of him.

But he couldn't tell anyone.

No

If someone knew it would only hurt worse.

He didn't want to inconvenience someone with his problems.

So he didn't.

He just lets it build.

Until soon it will become too much for him to take. and he'll be so drunk off his misery he'll end it. and that's the way it must be.

**That's the way it will always be.**


	5. Chapter 5

A young man lay alone in bed.

His body thrashing around as he uttered a silent scream.

**It was happening again.**

The nightmares had taken over the boy's mind and were tormenting him at his most vulnerable point.

**They played on his worst fears, made him see the very things he never wished to happen. **

The faces of his loved ones contorted into pain as he watched them die in front of him.

Watched as limbs were crushed, broken, taken off.

Watched as they screamed for him to help, to save them.

**But he couldn't move.**

He watched the love of his life run to him.

Only to be torn to pieces a second later.

**Her blood caked his entire body. **

He tried to get it off, tried to make it go away.

But it wouldn't.

**It streamed down his face covered his body and dripped into an ocean of blood below him. **

He saw countless others die right before his very eyes.

He watched as the life was taking from them.

As the light left their eyes and their body went limp.

Then it would turn on him.

He felt their pain all at once heard their screams as they were murdered.

**Then he would wake sweating and terrified to close his eyes for fear of what he would see.**

**It was tearing him down.**

**Wearing on his sanity and breaking his soul into pieces.**

It continued on.

Every night seeing the ones he loved die.

Every night hearing their screams.

He tried to tell himself it was nothing but a dream.

That it was all okay.

But he knew it wasn't.

**Nothing is ever okay with nightmares.**


	6. Chapter 6

He sits alone in his small room.

His face pale from the lack of air he was taking in.

Eyes bloodshot as tears flow freely down his face.

He doesn't understand why he's crying.

It's not like it hadn't happened before.

** He had tried so hard to close himself off.**

To block everyone out and keep himself and his bleeding heart safe.

**Then she came along**.

She was so different, so nice to be around, he opened up to her.

He wanted to be around her, he had even grown small feelings for her.

Than as they began to grow closer so did his feelings.

Soon his feelings had grown from the small fraction of an emotion to love.

** He was absolutely in love with her.**

Than it happened.

They were talking about each others love life and he screwed up.

He had told her that he loved someone, but was too scared to tell her for fear of losing what they had.

She bugged him for days on end until he finally told her of his feelings.

He was overjoyed to hear that she loved him as well and couldn't keep the smile off his face.

**But it was short-lived.**

She had told him the next day they could not be together for the distance was too great and she was scared.

He was saddened at the news but didn't care, he still had her and that's all that mattered.

For months they continued to be as together as they could.

His love for her evermore growing till the point he could not control his emotions for her.

He had thought they were happy, that he was doing what he wanted and that he was making her as happy as she was making him.

He was wrong.

Earlier that day he had told her goodbye as it was time for him to train his fighting skills.

During his absence she began to show her true emotions and her true feelings but only to herself.

But she could not help but tell him what she felt as soon as he returned.

He had come back a few hours later and instantly went to talk to her.

But when he found her she looked upon him with grief clear in her eyes.

"I was thinking while you were gone."

she began, only to pause and look him straight in the eye

"I can't do this any more, I can't barely see you any more, I can't only be able to love you from halfway across the world."

she paused yet again, this time looking away from him as the tears began to flow.

"I can't be with you any more we are done. Whatever we had is over."

With that she walked away.

He ran back to his hotel room and locked the door behind him.

He sat in the corner of the room head propped against the bed as he let the tears flow freely down his face.

No longer attempting to hold them back, they were released from his eyes until there was none left to flow.

He sat there for hours thinking.

_Why does this always happen?_

_Why do I never get a happy ending?_

_Why is it I find the one I thought I loved the most, the one I gave up so much for, and I can't have her at all?_

He stared off into nothing as he continued to torture himself with questions that held no answer

With wishes that were no longer possible to fulfil.

** He made his resolve that day.**

He would not let anyone into his heart ever again.

If need be he would cut it out before ever letting someone have it.

**He would no longer be hurt by love and its fateful consequences.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N ** **Just a quick heads up, the rating for this chapter is M because, although it doesn't have any lemons, but it does have very violent and graphic descriptions. **

* * *

He was done.

He was done with the constant telling him that he never did anything right.

That he was

_stupid_

_ pathetic_

_worthless_

_a good for nothing._

He was done with them taking everything from him and expecting him to keep giving.

Tonight it ends.

Tonight was the last night he would have to ever hear anything from them

Ever again.

He waited till they were asleep and crept into their room. They lay sleeping peacefully unaware they were about to die. He tied their hands and feet together and roughly pushed them both off the bed.

He took great pleasure in seeing their heads slam against the walls and night stands at the side of the bed.

He grabbed the man from under his arms and lifted him up.

Now awake, the man saw the 16-year-old boy and began to curse him demanding he put him down and untie him, this only infuriated the boy further. The boy grabbed the knife out of his back pocket and buried it deep into the man's arm, with a sadistic smile on his face as if the man's screams were music to his ears.

The boy looked directly into the man's eyes with so much hate it made the man flinch.

"Worthless, that's what you called me. Every ****ing day that's what I heard from you!" he pulled the blade out and slammed it back in just a few inches further down the man's arm.

"Now whose worthless? How does it feel you pathetic piece of shit?" The boy continued his routine of pulling the blade out and slamming it back down into the man's skin, all over his body his arms, his legs, his torso, everywhere he could that wouldn't cause instant death. When he saw the man was close to death he grabbed his head and forced the man to look at the boy in the eyes.

_**"You did this to yourself you worthless waste of space! You did this when you made my life a living hell every freakin day!" **_

With that he plunged the blade into the man's neck and watched him choke on his own blood.

He turned back to the woman and smiled at the fear that was in her eyes.

"You stupid b***h you deserve worse than what he got. You never knew when to shut the f**k up. You never knew how to close your damn mouth or to give the f**k up and let something be. You always had to have your f***ing opinion drilled into my head you always had to have the last word no matter what. Well now there going to be no more of that. _Ever again._"

He suddenly grabbed her and forced her to open her mouth, he cut her tongue out as she screamed in agonising pain. He watched as the blood flowed from her mouth and laughed.

He never had to hear her speak again.

But he wasn't done, he threw her on the bed and then place the man's body on top of her. He went to the other room and grabbed some flammable materials and liquids and poured it all over them. He grabbed a lighter and lit a rag on fire, he held it right in front of her face as she focused on the thing that was going to end her life.

"I hate you, with every fibre of my body I hate you. For the hell you put me through, for the pain you caused me, for everything you took away from me because you were so consumed with tormenting me. You're going to burn you f***ing b***h."

"I will never have to see you for as long as I live because here tonight," He threw the rag on her face and took great pleasure as she screamed in pain with flames burning her flesh away.

Is the _day you die_."

He sat there listening to the screams until they stopped.

As the house was burning around him, he calmly waited for his emanate death.

He had accomplished what he wanted, now all that was left was to end it all.

The fire ate away his flesh and bone.

It leaving nothing but ash.

No scream of pain was heard.

Only laughter.

The laughter of a maniac cherishing his death.


End file.
